Another exciting Fun Packed Week from Your Roving Reporter
Not So Much Roving Due to You Know What 22nd September 2020
 
Well if you thought the Shed build week wasn’t much fun just wait while you read this week’s story, because it only got worse.
I think It’s only a couple of planks
Oh Dear it could be worse
Shed completed (well nearly) I thought you know what some of this decking looks a bit tired when I really meant rotten, not to worry it’s only a few boards should only take a day at most, off we went to that wonderful DIY store (not) B and Q in Linda’s car of course can’t put that stuff in my car it’s full of dust and splinters. Went inside through the Trade entrance turned left towards the wood supplies I might have guessed it, not a decking plank in sight!, well that’s not strictly true they did have a few of the narrow boards which nobody uses, but no others. I eventually found one of the meet and greeters and asked him if there was any chance that some of the correct boards may be outside in the stock yard area, he said “why don’t you have a look round the shop and I’ll see if I can find any”.
Is it rotten?
I’m afraid so
Walked all the way to the opposite end of the building came to the Garden Section, guess what, plenty of the correct boards there, being used to stand all their plant displays on, I thought to myself “B…… Me. Did buy something useful at that end a broken lattice panel which I thought I could alter to fit at the side of the famous shed to stop my British Blues sneaking down the side, got it for £5 and as it turned out it was just the job.
Good Grief
A quick prayer may help
Ah well back to the planks, from somewhere he had found eight boards, not the best you’ve ever seen but better than none, I thanked him and asked have they got any at the Altrincham store, he said with a smug look on his face, they’d have a job mate it’s not there anymore, oh well take what you can I thought, just need a tin of Decking Restore paint, what £52, and even then the only tin they had was dented. (now be honest nobody likes a dented tin of paint, and £52 to boot).
Looking Better
Now the steps

Nearly Done what a great job by a professional (not)
Was I glad to get out of there, made it home, unloaded, got my he man builders clothes on, actually it’s an old Harlequins Rugby shirt and jeans complete with little slits in to make the waste a little bit wider (they must have shrunk) and both full of every colour of paint, plaster and anything else you can think off, it makes you feel like you’re already working before you start. Started to play that game, find the screws when they are completely covered with two or three coats of decking restore, which is like glue. What a job, hands and knees, digging ghost screws out, holes in the wood, tried everything, big screw drivers, small screw drivers, hammer, chisels and impact driver, but worse was to come.
The Hills Around
That’s it down there
It was freezing
A little closer now
On getting a few boards out it soon became pretty obvious that some of the under floor posts and joists were also looking less than healthy (rotten) what did I say about a day should do it, had I under estimated yet again. In the words of that old time DJ “Not Half”, the more I took up the more problems I found, I sat there had a swig of Dandelion and Burdock and thought why did I ever start this. What doesn’t help is the fact that it’s built about a metre off the ground, started on Monday the next thing I knew it was Thursday morning , boy was I fed up with decking, painting creosote underneath, that blue stuff for the beam ends then on hands and knees covering the floor area with wood preserve. The good thing was that on Friday we promised to have a day off, I’ll finish this on Saturday, which became, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday.
The small shop
Linda’s Ready
The Guide
I think it’s down there
Friday came, weather outlook not great and neither of us felt too good but we thought no come on lets go out for some fresh air, now both of us in our childhood had been taken to the Blue John Mines, Castleton in the Peak District. Not a great distance from Urmston so we just made a couple of Spam Barms, along with some Iced Gems and of course a bottle of D and B. Off we set, the plan was to go in my car for a rare run out but as it looked like it might rain I thought no it’s nice and cosy in the garage (it’s not the Vectra but it’s a special car) it has to be the Fiat again, soon past Stockport took the left fork at the Rising Sun, Hazel Grove and continue on, it’s basically the A6 all the way until a left turn takes you on to a narrow road towards Castleton, in no time at all a sign points to the Blue John Caverns on the right down in a valley. No cars allowed, Park Here, ok, we got out and soon realised it wasn’t cold it was freezing! We both put an extra layer of clothing on and set off, now I don’t know what the rate of drop was on the road but honestly it was a struggle to stay upright. (are we getting old or what)
Cave entrance
One of those
We entered the small shop and café area, which is near the entrance and purchased Tour tickets, £11 each for Seniors and told it would be about forty minutes for the next one. Thought ok let’s get a drink and use the toilets, I’m afraid that neither of them was available, No Toilets at a public attraction! We had to trek all the way back up the hill to the car because I needed to you know what. Got back just in time for the tour, the nightmare had just begun, 264 steps down, mostly wet, a slippery hand rail on one side then the other, low ceilings, very low here and there and dim lighting, what made it worse was having to wear a face mask and you know what happens to your glasses in those conditions with a mask on, could Harley see a thing. As Linda and I were lagging behind the guide at one point he said try and keep together and no taking video, I thought are you kidding, all I had was my usual camera round my neck whilst hanging on for dear life so I didn’t trip over.
Cave Views
Having had that Triple Bye Pass not too long ago when we reached a large open area at the end of the steps (a large Cavern) there was a plastic garden seat which I made use off, my heart felt like it was going to burst and my pulse was running wild. The guide actually apologised for his comments about a Video camera and told us to just take out time, my thinking now was only another 264 steps to go and we’ll be free.
Doesn’t your memory play tricks with you, I have always remembered the Blue John with affection as an amazing place, with crystals, stalactites, stalagmites and veins of Blue John here and there, not so, maybe it just caught us on a bad day, basically it was some very narrow, wet slippery passageways, very dark just going down and down to a big hole in the rock.
To say we were disappointed with our day out is an understatement but don’t let me put you off, by all means try it but make sure it’s sunny day, take a flask with you and a few butties but be sure to go to the toilet first, I would think it’s not something to put on your bucket list but hey ho back to the lock down.
Started again on Sunday to try and fit the steps to the decking, would they marry up like before not a chance, shoved, pushed, heaved swore a few times and gave up in the end, go and lie down for a bit, start again on Monday which I did but this time I roped Linda in to hold it in place and eventually got it screwed up. I can’t say it’s perfect but at least it’s solid even if it leans forward a bit!
The big question is what shall I start on next?
Have you any jobs you like an expert DIY person to fix for you, maybe not.
 
Take Care of Yourselves and each other, Stay in Contact with your Family, Friends and of course all your Special Friends in the Mark and RAM Degree.   Phone, TX, E Mail or even Snail Mail, Do It Today.
Words and pictures by Austin N Fletcher, PGStwd.     
Austin expresses his own views in this report, not the views of the Province.